Moving On

13/04/2015 by Carly

There comes a day when it’s time to let go, and boy what a day that is! At first, you’ll be horrified that you followed through with your decision. There will be nerves, and not good ones, ones that will rat-a-tat like bony fingers on the fragile shell in which you’ve taken cover. And then the self doubt. Have you made the worst mistake ever? Can you undo it? Can you hide beneath the warm weight of a blanket and pretend it didn’t happen, that it was Twitter or Facebook that made a snafu? But listen. You know you did the right thing and for the right reason; if you had done it on impulse you’d be feeling fire now, not fear.

If your decision to move on involves another person, one whom you are struggling to let go of, then remember this. If they were a positive influence in your life, you wouldn’t have grappled with this move in the first place. They would have seen you needed help – a kind word, a decisive word, many words on your behalf. You might even panic because now there are absolutely no words at all. Our hearts trick us into thinking that something is better than nothing, that feeling pain, a visceral sense of aliveness, is better than feeling empty, depleted. But here’s the thing. You can’t live with the left foot in one camp and the right foot in the other. That’s limbo – somewhere you visit but cannot take up permanent residence. There’s no sunshine there, no Spring flowers, no cats or chocolate or laughter or days of silliness with friends that turn into beautiful memories while you’re in the magical throes of living them. That is settling for a second best you do not deserve and you know you do not deserve, hence The Decision in the first place. And see with bright, honest eyes the truth of what really lingers back there. What is it that still tugs at your heart? What do you think you are missing out on? A tidbit of happiness floating in a whirlpool of discontent? Well, you can gather up as many of those crumbs as you like, but they still won’t amount to a cake. That sense of longing you feel is for what things used to be, not for what they have become. You’re homesick for something that ebbed away many tides ago. And the longer you dwell in limbo, the more corrupted the goodness will become. Leave it be, so that one day you can enjoy the good times and feel glad about them and be pleased and proud you kept them in tact and walked away when you did.

Those memories are already further behind you than the future is in front of you. But unless you take that first step towards your future, you’ll never find out that there’s something new and wonderful out there waiting to be claimed. Unless you empty your hands of the pain of the past, you wont be able to clasp onto the new and the positive. So grieve for what you’ve lost, feel sadness, disappointment, lament its passing and from time to time entertain a few regrets. But always remember that your old life, it made you sad. It filled you with doubts, left you feeling inadequate and alone. So let it go. Just let it all go. Yes, the future is scary, but you have the opportunity to swap the certainty of disappointment with the uncertainty and excitement of a fresh start. You can walk towards a new beginning and who knows, you might, just might, find something so good that this decision will turn out to be the very best one of your life.

Go and grab your future. You deserve it.

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